life of un-justification
mistreatment lasts. trauma, abuse, micro aggressions, learned behaviors—these last. these things can affect our behaviors, lives, and decisions until we’re living lives of justification. we’re justifying every action or breath for protection or for the benefit of others.
what i’m learning? it’s completely unnecessary. you owe no one a justification or explanation for existing—not even yourself. it took me a long time—way too long—to learn this. i found myself consumed by guilt to the point where i would feel physical pain or illness from this pointless complex of guilt i’d developed for survival. i was even justifying buying myself FOOD. if i did not apologize multiple times (often for things OTHERS did wrong) i would feel nausea and pain.
in 2019, i’m tired. i’m exhausted from 23 years of justifying my presence, and i can’t care that much anymore. i’m also apparently tired of capitalization—oh well. i know that steps to overcoming this will be small, and that it is not as easy to overcome for people who are in positions of minority rather than privilege. but there are strides we can all take to live an un-justified, more independent life!
stop justifying every breath
all love, all the time - han